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Monday, November 14, 2005
Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl.
I held her close, but she faded in the night
Like a poem I meant to write.
And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand.
(from Simon & Garfunkel, Leaves That are Green)
Over the past couple of months my personal life has been turning upside down. And much has happened this weekend to spin me more and more out of control. I generally don't use this space to unload the inner sanctum of my soul, but tonight I feel a need to open myself a bit. Some may recognize these thistles, as I posted an earlier picture of the very same ones back in October. Then the color was vibrant, and the mood was one of happiness and a sense for what was still to come. But a few weeks have passed and the same thistles have shriveled and browned (as things tend to do in the fall), and the deep blue of the river has turned to ugly yellow-brown.
And so it feels in my life. Not only has love slipped from my grasp, but other parts of my life seeth in turmoil as well. Yesterday as I took this picture, I wondered if I could go on with this photoblog. It is not that I am tired of posting or even tired of shooting pictures, it was that I felt my soul has darkened so much in the past few days that my eye is stained. I find myself unable to see beauty in the world around me. I see the emptiness and loneliness that churns inside me.
But I looked at the name of my blog... forgingahead .... and remembered what it was intended to convey. I have been through some tough times in recent years. I hurt people I love and spend my life trying in some small ways to make amends to them. I have learned much about myself; about who I was, who I am, and hopefully who I will be. My blog name is not just a word to me...it is an expression of a life philosophy. As defeated as I feel at the moment, I know in my heart that I will see it through. That I will, in fact, Forge Ahead and onto something new.
So bear with me fellow bloggers and regular visitors. Some of the pictures in the next few days, or even weeks, may be more expressive of the darkness I feel around me now than of the joy I felt only a few short weeks ago (or was it really just last week?). But I did create this blog for the purpose of expressing my feelings as creatively as I am able. And that is what I shall continue to do... every day... every day...
Posted by forgingahead
Archived under: Nature
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